


Never Gonna Get My Love

by bigficenergy



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 02:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17841149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigficenergy/pseuds/bigficenergy
Summary: After missing out on the open mic night, Alexis unearths footage of a very different performance of Patrick's.Inspired by actual Noah Reid song"Never Gonna Get My Love."





	Never Gonna Get My Love

“Are you listening to country music? What year is it?”

Alexis looks up from the laptop but just smirks at David's ever-judgmental face.

“David,” she chides. “Don't you recognize the sweet, twangy sound of your own boyfriend?”

That makes David's eyebrows really come into play. “Excuse me?”

She pats the space on the bed next to her and he sits to look at the computer. On the screen is a YouTube video, shot on a phone in bar or a cafe somewhere, judging by the clinking glasses and low chatter in the background. And the guy in the video may be a few years younger with longer.surprisingly curly hair, but it is, indeed, Patrick.

It's the same guitar too, but it's not the sweet rendition of Tina Turner he now had seared into his brain and heart. The tempo is quick and there's a disconcerting amount of hip action that Alexis is trying to match by shimmying her shoulders.

David watches, both aghast and intrigued, as Patrick sings:

 _“Remember when you said to me_  
_‘Wanna tie me up?’_  
_It doesn't matter what you do to me_  
_You know you're never gonna get my love_  
_And I could use you every now and then like a_  
_Like a baseball glove_  
_And I will probably pick you up again  
But you're never gonna get my love...”_

“Oh my god,” David breathes.

“He sang like this to you? In front of people?”

“No, no, this is very different. The open mic was like, a sweet little Shirley Temple. This is, like, a beer at a bar that has line dancing every Tuesday.”

“This is obviously very embarrassing for you, but if I'm being perfectly honest, he kind of makes it work.”

The song wraps up and Patrick thanks the crowd, grabbing a beer off the stool behind him and taking a swig as he leaves the stage. As the video ends, David clears his throat, feeling a little warm.

“It's… certainly a side to him that I wasn't expecting.”

At that moment, Moira pokes her head into the room.

“Alexis, what _was_ that saucy little ditty? I worried for your father's back the way it had him moving!”

“Oh my _god,_ ” David says, covering his face with his hands.

 

* * *

 

They have a busy day at Rose Apothecary, so David makes it through the entire day without saying anything, despite the fact that the song has continued to play on a loop in his head. They make it all the way back to Patrick's room at Ray's that night before he cracks.

They've changed into pajamas and David is packing away his nightly skincare regimen while Patrick picks out his clothes for the next day. He pulls a shirt out of the closet and shows it to David.

“Do you like this? I have some stuff I haven't worn in a while, I was thinking it might be time to go through and get rid of some things.”

David shakes his head. “It's fine. You might still wear it every now and then, like a... baseball glove.”

Patrick's eyes widen for a second before he puts the shirt back in the closet with a nervous chuckle. “Someone’s been on the Internet.”

“Alexis. Not me. She was snooping.”

“Yeah that makes more sense."

There's a moment of silence before David can’t hold back anymore.

“Didn't know you had all that in you.”

“Okay, I'm not… super proud of that song. I was going through some things --”

“No, it's fine, I get it. The voice though was um… it was different. Does that just happen naturally or do you have to have a cigarette right before you sing?”

“Go on, get it all out.”

“I better watch my step. Don’t want a song like that written about me. Taylor Swift is quaking in those little oxford heels she likes so much.”

Patrick smiles despite himself, nodding as he takes each jab.

“And that wig you were wearing was delightful.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed if you could dish out a mean little tune like that, you could take at least a little in return.”

Patrick lifts his chin and forces the smile from his face, fixing David with a stern look.

“Oh you haven't seen mean from me,” he says, his voice pitched a little lower.

It's a direct hit. David is instantly flustered.

“O-oh?” David stutters out. “ _Oh,_ ” he says again softly as Patrick crowds him, backing him toward the bed until his forced to sit on it. He looks up at Patrick, surprised and delighted.

“What are you going to do, Mr. Brewer,” he asks, still teasing. “Gonna tie me up, have your way with me?”

Looming over David, Patrick pets at the back of his head. “I feel like a gag would be the more effective implement in this case.”

David gives a scandalized little gasp. “Bold of you to think you could ever keep a gag on me.”

“David…”

“I literally chewed my way out of one once. Sometimes you just have to verbally tell someone their form is bad --”

“David, I was joking.”

“Never say never. Unless you actually are saying never, which is totally fi--”

Patrick cuts him off with a long kiss.

“Mm, yes, this is also effective,” David says against Patrick's lips.

Patrick pulls back a little, bemused. “Is it? Because somehow you're still talking.”

“There’s just this twisted little part of me that wonders how much of a rise I'd have to get out of you before you transform into Carrie Underwood.”

Without another word, Patrick pushes David to lie back on the bed, climbing on top of him and kissing him breathless. The next time David is able to speak, he’s far less cocky.

“If you intend to keep this going you may actually have to gag me, or else Ray is going to get an earful.”

“Well like I said, I'm not gonna do that,” Patrick says, stroking David's hair affectionately. “So I guess you either need to keep it down or we better just call it a night.”

David’s mouth drops open, but finally, he’s speechless. Patrick leans back in, kissing him sweetly on the cheek before whispering in his ear.

“Told you you you hadn't seen mean yet.”

**Author's Note:**

> Folks have been so nice about my first little SC fic, I decided not to drag things out and just post another one that I had ready now. :)
> 
> I'm super in love with Noah Reid's album, _Songs from a Broken Chair_ , and I highly recommend listening to it if there's anyone out there who didn't immediately seek it out after the open mic episode. I think it's streaming in most of the usual places.
> 
> Also the "wig" comment was inspired by [this photo](https://www.instagram.com/p/BtRA_gAn9T6/) from Noah's Instagram, on which Dan Levy commented "Great wig!" because of course he did.


End file.
